I only watch for the sequins

Dancing With The Stars released their final pro/star pairings and portraits...I'll admit I don't watch this regularly, mostly towards the end of seasons...but I can't remember previous season portraits like these. They're, um, interesting.


Starts out all well and good. Derek Hough and Joanna Krupa clearly tip the "hot" side of the scale. Advantage: she's used to not wearing much.



Anna Trebunskaya and Chuck Liddell. The show hasn't even started and they've sucked all the badass out of Chuck. Liddell has the opposite problem from the women in that he's used to wearing tiny trunks and looks, off, in full shirt and pants. I can honestly say Trebunskaya is WAY scarier than Liddell in this pic. Maybe Chuck just needs more makeup.


Anna Demidova and Michael Irvin. Why does it look like if she stood up straight she'd tower over him by at least a foot?



Kym Johnson and Donny Osmond. Oh Donny, you look so hesitant to actually touch Kym's back and yet we can't see your other hand and what/how/where you may be gripping.



Karina Smirnoff and Aaron Carter. Thiiis should be an interesting pair. Aaron looks very comfortable with women at that..er...level. I'm guessing he's equally comfortable with animal print.


Kelly Osbourne and Louis van Amstel. Oh Kelly...if your costume almost entirely engulfs your partner, and what's left is camoflaged in, it's probably too much.


Kathy Ireland and Tony Dovolani. Kathy is proving her marketing savvy by wearing her latest creation for the women's intimates dept of Kmart. Crafty!


Melissa Joan Hart and Mark Ballas. I wish Clarissa would explain why when your dress is missing it's back, sides and the majority of it's front, why you need gloves for modesty.



Mark Dacascos and Lacey Schwimmer. Speaking of gloves, I love Lacey, I get she's the "rocker" of the pros but those gloves worked for Madonna and Madonna only...25 years ago. And I just can't look at him without wanting to yell "ALLEZ CUISINE!" and biting an apple.


Cheryl Burke and Tom DeLay. Oh Cheryl, you knew you'd get the short straw eventually.



Mya and Dmitry Chaplin. This picture just screams "winners". Already.



Debi Mazar and Maksim Chmerkovisky. I LOVE Debi Mazar, and I love looking at Maksim. I think I'd just watch these two fight for a full hour. Cougarlicious!



Edyta Sliwinska and Ashley Hamilton. A)when did Ashley Hamilton age so much? B)Edyta's dress is eating her. Why is no one else alarmed? It's already claimed her left hand! Someone get help!



Macy Gray and Jonathan Roberts. Macy's dress isn't hyping her next cd anywhere on it. Color me disappointed.



Natalie Coughlin and Alec Mazo. I don't even know which one is the dance pro and which one is the star. Thought she was Denise Richards at first. Oh well.



Chelsie Hightower and Louie Vito. Good matching between blonde named Chelsie and the extreme athelete. Louie Vito is also hot. Indeed.