Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Olympic Spirit Will Probably Never Include Me

Whilst watching Olympic Ice Dancing last night (yes really) there was a pair from France that was retiring after these Games, after skating together since they were 9 years old, making last night's final their last competitive skate together. To mark the occasion the theme of their free skate was the story of their career.  It made me think, if I were in the same situation...what would MY theme be?

Easy. I would skate "The Story of Eighth Grade!"

My partner (who would look like this and would have harbored secret love for me since the first moment he saw me...of course)

Would be simply costumed in a pair of light wash Z Cavariccis

and a jacket that is both a wink & a nod to our home country (USA! USA!) and Arsenio Hall (WOOFWOOFWOOF)

I, on the otherhand, would require a costume of layered complexity.
One that reflected my conflict between my feelings for my skating partner and the other love in my life:

(except mine would be a Donnie shirt. Duh)

The bottom would add elements of style as well as danger:

One strap left down...naturally.

Finally everything would be capped off quite literally with a salute to Blossom:

We would skate to a medley of songs:

"If Wishes Came True" - Sweet Sensation
"Electric Youth" - Debbie Gibson (including our signature lift "The Hammer")
"I'll Be Loving You (Forever)" - New Kids On The Block

After our triumphant finale at center ice, my faithful partner would drop to one knee and proposes marriage.

I'd caress his face, kiss his cheek and whisper "I'll think about it,"

and begin my new career as an Olympic snowboarder.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I Bet You Think This Song Is About You

Actually, I WISH these songs were about me.

Jon McLaughlin - "Perfect"
Something about this song turns me uncharacteristically ooey gooey lovey dovey. Perhaps it's the line "And in this life if I could have one thing I don't deserve, then I have never wanted anybody else but her." Maybe it's just that I want someone to think I'm perfect. More than likely the latter.

Mika - "Blue Eyes"
How many times can a blue eyed blonde be subjected to "Brown Eyed Girl" before she throws a stabby jealous tantrum? Thanks to this song, the world may never know.

New Kids On The Block - "I'll Be Loving You (Forever)"
I have wanted this song to be about me since I was 13 years old. The desire is hardwired into my psyche as evidenced by the fact that after all these years I still remember "Forever" is parenthesized. To be quite honest, if I had any proof this song WAS about me, I'd put it on my resume.

P.S. Donnie I love you!

Parachute - "She (For Liz)"
People. My name is already in the song. The fact that I've never met anyone in the band Parachute means NOTHING. It could happen.

Eric Clapton - "Wonderful Tonight"
Lots of people have had songs of everlasting love written about them but how many people looked so SMOKING HOT one night that they had an iconic song written about it? This girl wants it. She wants it bad.

Jeff Buckley - "Everybody Here Wants You"
One of the sexiest songs ever written. Someone wrapping around you, whispering in your ear that everyone in the room wants you. Incredibly hot. At least until you stop and think how many people have done it to your song and then it starts to get a little creepy but STILL.

Van Morrison - "Into The Mystic"
I have NO IDEA what this song is actually about, I just think it would be really cool to be the inspiration behind it. Well...me and marijuana. Clearly.

Ray LaMontagne - any song he's ever done
I'm serious. Love song, break up song, songs about cigarettes...I don't care! I'm totally open, because Ray, even though your beard scares me more than a little bit, one song and I'm yours.

There you go kids...get to writing...you know where to find me.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


<insert witty blog type thing here>

I've got nothin' folks. Total blog blockage. I need Activia for my brain.