Friday, October 15, 2010

Moving On Up...

I finally caved and signed up for a tumblr account and I have to admit, it's substantially easier to keep updated. I may still use this for longer posts, or I may not. Whims. I haz dem. is where you can find me and updates post automatically to facebook & twitter (@bashville)


Friday, September 24, 2010

Procrastination Is My Middle Name & Avoidance Is The Name Of The Game

Actually my middle name is Ann but it sounded better than calling this "BS You Didn't Really Care To Know About Me." Nothing has struck my blogging fancy lately and I was just settling in to do one of these "getting to know you" surveys on Ye Olde Facebook to kill time and I thought "hey self, you should really share this useless information with the masses!" Which brings us to this.

1. What time did you get up this morning? Hit snooze at 5:45 except I really hit off instead and woke up again at 7:00. Yay me!

2. How do you like your steak? Practically still mooing.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Despicable Me. Unicorns, I love them              

4. What is your favorite TV show? New season just started, my DVR is smoking and threatening to run away but I have to say Castle. I want to hug the writers and bring them cake they're so good.

5. If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Right on the beach. I'm not picky about the beach. Well, anywhere but Jersey.

6. What did you have for breakfast? Banana bread but lets pretend it was oatmeal with almond milk.

7. What is your favorite food? All of it with very few exceptions. But if I could never have a burger again I'd probably wade out in to Lake Michigan wearing cement shoes.

8. What foods do you dislike? Cooked peas, raw papaya but will eat both if I have to. Not together though without some persuasion.

9. Favorite Place to Eat? Toro Sushi. The girls and I draw spectators with our gluttony. Alternate answer: anywhere you're buying.

10. Favorite dressing? A nice balsamic vinegarette

11. I drive ... everyone crazy

12. What are your favorite clothes? Jeans. They're my everything.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Anywhere. Spain & Italy are high on the list right now but I make no promises I'd come home.

14. Glass half empty or half full? Half full, on my way for a refill

15. Where would you want to retire? If I ever get to retire I will consider that victory enough.

16. Favorite time of day? Anytime I'm laughing.

17. Where were you born? In a hospital. In Grand Rapids, MI

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? HOCKEY! GO HAWKS!

19. What's your favorite color? Yellow. You just wouldn't know it from all the black I wear. I'm kind of like the happiest Goth in the world.

20. What person, living or dead, would you most like to have dinner with? Jim Henson. Anyone that said "You know what I want to do with my life? Make people happy. With puppets." is a hero in my book.

21. Do you think anyone is still reading this? Not at all,. But if you are, good for you for hanging in there. There really is no payoff on your end.

22. Bird watcher? Unless the birds are humping or picking at something dead I don't usually notice.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?  You're usually safe anytime after I've caffinated. Anytime before that you proceed at your own risk. My bitchface kills.

24. Do you have any pets? Not at the moment unless you count dust bunnies but I haven't resorted to naming them yet.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? Uh. Sun came up this morning. So, there's that.

26. What did you want to be when you were little? The Pope. I swear to God. Which ironically immediately eliminates me from the running.

27. What is your best childhood memory? Getting a brother. (AWWW) Seriously, we're like a snark tag-team. Pity my mother.

28. Are you a cat or dog person? I like both, but I lean towards cats. Mostly because I can't have a unicorn.


30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes. I'm a safety girl.

31. Been in a car accident? Yes. Not tempting fate either way on this one.

32. Any pet peeves? Total disregard for grammar and spelling. People that call repeatedly but don't leave messages. People that leave vague messages. Wafflers. Itchy tags in clothing.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? I like a nice large sausage. *rimshot* *rimshot for the word rimshot*

34. Favorite Flower? Lilacs. I love them so much I want to roll around in them.

35. Favorite ice cream? Haagen Daaz Bailey's Irish Cream. I would roll around in it as well.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant?  Chipotle. I swear they put crack in the cilantro lime rice.

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Sore subject. More than once. I am not a good failer.

38. From whom did you get your last email? My snark tag-team partner.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?  If you've ever seen my eyes glaze over at the sight of a Sephora, that's an easy question.

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? I just flashed the monitor.

41. Like your job? Until I find someone willing to pay me for being awesome, it'll work. (If you are willing to pay me for being awesome, please contact me)

42. Like Broccoli? Sure do. You just may not want to spend a lot of time with me in enclosed spaces afterwards.

43. What was your favorite vacation? I went to an all inclusive in Mexico by myself for a week. It was weird at first but I was so relaxed by the end of the week I was like a noodle. I also learned choice Spanish phrases.

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Marci. If you know her, you know this is good. If you don't, I feel sorry for you.

45. What are you listening to right now? Mika's "Grace Kelly"

46. How many tattoos do you have? One. I have 3 more picked and desired. I'm just waiting for my money tree to leaf out.

47. Coffee Drinker? If it's caffinated, I'll drink it. Even though I was asked to never drink Red Bull again for the sake of humanity.

There you have it. Anything else you want to know? Stalkers, start your engines!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

No But Seriously...

...are Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg the same person?

Are you sure?

Sometimes They Come Back

It could be you’ve had a falling out. Perhaps they were getting just a little too stalkeriffic for your taste. It’s possible you accepted them out of a guilty conscience. Maybe if you see one more Farmville request you’re going to attempt a self lobotomy. Whatever the reason, they are your friend on facebook and you want them gone. So, you slip in, under cover of night, (and maybe several glasses of wine, no judgment) hit that sweet delete button, exhale a sigh of relief and fall asleep (or pass out, again, no judgment.)

Time passes, the sun continues to rise and set and you sit content with the idea that you got away with it. No bitchy emails, no passive aggressive sighing, just a blissfully quiet facebook timeline. Then, with no warning…it appears. The facebook RE-friend request.

Is it mistake? Clearly they’ve noticed you’re no longer their friend. Yet, there it is. Do they think YOU’VE made a mistake? Even in my deepest wine soaked haze (ahem) I’ve never “accidentally” deleted anyone. What to do? Do you add them again with hopes of sneaking away for a second time? (It’ll never work; they’re totally watching you now.) Do you ignore and risk the potential re-RE-request?

You can always block them but that seems so drastic, so final. I say fight fire with fire. Accept the request and take up drunken Mafia Wars.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


As of yet, Joe Manganiello has not agreed to have my babies. However, he also has not NOT agreed. I'm taking this as a positive.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


It's official...a new obsession has bloomed.

Joe Manganiello, have my babies.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Plug Has Yet To Be Pulled

This blog is just playing's pretty damn convincing isn't it? I swear I'll try to post something in the near future even if it's just to thrust more musical opinion upon you. (heh heh, "thrust upon")

Thanks to you persistant few that check back regularly to see if there is anything new is this vast digital wasteland, you are my favorite stalkers.

Until then, hugs, kisses & tuna fishes.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Cheap A$$ Chic

Money and I don't get to party together very often, but I also don't do well sitting around just dreaming of things. Combine this with being raised to appreciate a bargain (trust me, I'll tell anyone that will listen when I get a deal, even if they're running in the opposite direction) and I've developed a certain knack for thrift.

So, in what may or may not become a regular feature...contigent on my attention span...allow me to introduce you to some of my fave deals and steals I've uncovered.

Let's start with music. If you read this blog or my tweets with any regularity (and you should be) you know that I' a word...obsessed. However, cds ain't cheap and I know too many musicians who depend on music for their living to illegally download music without being wracked with guilt.  The only way around this was to find as many sources of free music as I could!

One Track Mind: Get a song (sometimes more than one) a day emailed right to you! It's the ultimate for lazy music lovers. You can also follow them on twitter @OneTrackTweet. I've received everything from indie bands on up to the majors although there is a secret satisfaction with latching on to a band early. If you miss anything, there are monthly rewinds available.

Free on iTunes: Every Tuesday iTunes releases it's new Single of the Week, Free Video and sometimes a Discovery Download. In the iTunes store, go to music and you'll see "Free On iTunes" in the menu on the far right. But that's not all! The single most useful app on Facebook (don't give me that Farmville face) is the "Free on iTunes" app. Here you will find redemption codes for 10, 20 even 30 song samplers available for free download. I can't tell you how many hundreds of dollars worth of music I've gotten with this app. Not all the songs will be your favorites but for free WHO CARES?

Amazon MP3s: Follow @amazonmp3 on twitter. No, seriously, do it right now. I'll wait.


Now that you are following them you probably don't need me to tell you about all the bargains you can snap up through them but I'm going to anyway. This is the place to be for their daily deals which are full albums, both new and classic, offered at DRASTICALLY reduced prices. Like $1.99 or $3.99. Crazy. They also tweet out when new free tracks are available. These are all limited time offers so you need to grab them quickly but you are rewarded for your efforts. Because I'm a swell person, I'll link you right to the free music on too.

There, that should keep you busy for awhile. Cheers to your eardrums! Don't forget, if in the midst of all this free music gluttony, you come across an artist you them a solid and buy the whole album, concert ticket or maybe a t-shirt or cap.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Olympic Spirit Will Probably Never Include Me

Whilst watching Olympic Ice Dancing last night (yes really) there was a pair from France that was retiring after these Games, after skating together since they were 9 years old, making last night's final their last competitive skate together. To mark the occasion the theme of their free skate was the story of their career.  It made me think, if I were in the same situation...what would MY theme be?

Easy. I would skate "The Story of Eighth Grade!"

My partner (who would look like this and would have harbored secret love for me since the first moment he saw me...of course)

Would be simply costumed in a pair of light wash Z Cavariccis

and a jacket that is both a wink & a nod to our home country (USA! USA!) and Arsenio Hall (WOOFWOOFWOOF)

I, on the otherhand, would require a costume of layered complexity.
One that reflected my conflict between my feelings for my skating partner and the other love in my life:

(except mine would be a Donnie shirt. Duh)

The bottom would add elements of style as well as danger:

One strap left down...naturally.

Finally everything would be capped off quite literally with a salute to Blossom:

We would skate to a medley of songs:

"If Wishes Came True" - Sweet Sensation
"Electric Youth" - Debbie Gibson (including our signature lift "The Hammer")
"I'll Be Loving You (Forever)" - New Kids On The Block

After our triumphant finale at center ice, my faithful partner would drop to one knee and proposes marriage.

I'd caress his face, kiss his cheek and whisper "I'll think about it,"

and begin my new career as an Olympic snowboarder.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I Bet You Think This Song Is About You

Actually, I WISH these songs were about me.

Jon McLaughlin - "Perfect"
Something about this song turns me uncharacteristically ooey gooey lovey dovey. Perhaps it's the line "And in this life if I could have one thing I don't deserve, then I have never wanted anybody else but her." Maybe it's just that I want someone to think I'm perfect. More than likely the latter.

Mika - "Blue Eyes"
How many times can a blue eyed blonde be subjected to "Brown Eyed Girl" before she throws a stabby jealous tantrum? Thanks to this song, the world may never know.

New Kids On The Block - "I'll Be Loving You (Forever)"
I have wanted this song to be about me since I was 13 years old. The desire is hardwired into my psyche as evidenced by the fact that after all these years I still remember "Forever" is parenthesized. To be quite honest, if I had any proof this song WAS about me, I'd put it on my resume.

P.S. Donnie I love you!

Parachute - "She (For Liz)"
People. My name is already in the song. The fact that I've never met anyone in the band Parachute means NOTHING. It could happen.

Eric Clapton - "Wonderful Tonight"
Lots of people have had songs of everlasting love written about them but how many people looked so SMOKING HOT one night that they had an iconic song written about it? This girl wants it. She wants it bad.

Jeff Buckley - "Everybody Here Wants You"
One of the sexiest songs ever written. Someone wrapping around you, whispering in your ear that everyone in the room wants you. Incredibly hot. At least until you stop and think how many people have done it to your song and then it starts to get a little creepy but STILL.

Van Morrison - "Into The Mystic"
I have NO IDEA what this song is actually about, I just think it would be really cool to be the inspiration behind it. and marijuana. Clearly.

Ray LaMontagne - any song he's ever done
I'm serious. Love song, break up song, songs about cigarettes...I don't care! I'm totally open, because Ray, even though your beard scares me more than a little bit, one song and I'm yours.

There you go kids...get to know where to find me.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


<insert witty blog type thing here>

I've got nothin' folks. Total blog blockage. I need Activia for my brain.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Hidden Dangers Of Single Living

These are not new concerns. They've been covered by 30 Rock's Liz Lemon (choking, slipping in the tub). They brought about the end to a morbid fantasy in Bridget Jones's Diary (dying alone and being eaten by Alsatians). However, these hazards too often fall by the wayside. They are...

The Hidden Dangers Of Single Living

The likelihood of a pack of wild dogs roaming the city and getting past several doors to my third floor walkup may be slim but my daily life as a single woman, living alone is FRAUGHT WITH DANGER!

Deadly Delivery - Murphy's Law states that UPS will only make a delivery to my home at the very moment I am least prepared. I could spend hours sitting and waiting but the moment I decide to change and am sans pants, there's the buzzer. What to do? Ignore it and get stuck in tango of delivery slips back and forth and back and forth that I know will ultimately end up in a trip to the UPS center? OR, do I risk it...try to pull on the nearest bottom-type clothing while hopping to the door and scrambling down all those stairs to make it before the UPS man leaves? That scenario is just ripe for a broken neck.

Bedding Bedlam - One of life's greatest simple pleasures is fresh, clean bedding but the process is anything but simple for the single woman. Getting the pillowcases on all those pillows (regular, decorative pillow shams, body pillows, throw pillows) is exhausting. Follow that with the daunting task of getting the down comforter back in to the duvet cover is a recipe for disaster. If I were capable of the contortions needed to accomplish this in one quick move, I'm sure I'd have more people willing to make my bed for me. So instead, I have to half crawl inside to reach the far corners. One slipped step on a carelessly thrown shoe, bra or cat could mean a cracked skull on the corner of the dresser and my cat hasn't mastered 911. Yet.

Oops I Did It Again - The best way to nip a hangover in the bud is to eat something to soak up the booze before sleeping on it. After much (totally unscientific) research, pizza, with it's hearty protein and carb combination, is one of the best foods for this problem. However with all that booze sloshing around, even the best intentions can go awry. One moment the pizza is ready to go in the oven the next moment it's either 7 am and the oven has been on all night or it's 4 am and the smoke alarm is screaming about the pizza that has been abandoned in the oven. For these very reasons, I find it much safer to keep microwavable pizza rolls on hand although the trade off is waking up the next morning with a scorched mouth, throat and often chin. Impatience, drunkiness and little bombs of molten sauce and cheese make dangerous bedfellows.

A Jarring Experience - I want pickles. I have a jar of pickles. Life seems good. Fast-forward 10 minutes to me sweating, cursing, still struggling to open the #!@#)&$ jar. With that much pent up pickle frustration (that's what she said) it's all too easy for something in the forehead to just go POP.

Sometimes You Only Wish To Die - The same Murphy who wrote the UPS delivery Law (I really hate that guy) also states that attractive neighbors of the opposite sex will only appear in the laundry room at the same time as me when I am washing something I do not want them to see. Sure, nice enough people come and go whilst the towels and sheets are taking a tumble but the truly interesting people will only arrive at the time you are moving the...ahem..delicates from one place to the next. This neighbor will of course want to exchange pleasantries while I am trying to move at speeds I am not equipped with the grace to handle in order to conceal my armload of undies. I make it back to my apartment with a smug smile of satisfaction. I was cute but mysterious, I was a DELIGHT. 45 minutes later I return to fetch the troublesome bundle from the dryer only to find the Winnie The Pooh briefs I must have dropped layed out nicely on top of the dryer. It couldn't even have been the hot pink thong. Winnie. The. Pooh. Dying of embarrassment is an unlikely way of going but IT COULD HAPPEN!

This has been an Eyewitness Special Report. Now back to the studio...

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Why It's Good To Have Friends With Mad Skillz

Because you get stuff like this for your birthday!

Much more SFW than the combo of Rob Pattinson and frosting I usually imagine.

I kind of rock the Bella hair don't I? And look smokin' with Rob. Now all I need is Kristin Stewart's body, boyfriend, professional hairstylist and an alternate universe!

Maybe next year.