Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Worst. Toy. Ever.

Things that make you go "hmmm"...and "wait, you're serious?" I find this right up on the top of that list.  Three words: Joan. Jett. Barbie. 

Three more words: What. The. Fuck.

At what point did someone think making one of the foremost female rockers, the "godmother of punk" into a BARBIE DOLL? I'm guessing it's someone who heard Britney Spears version of "I Love Rock 'n" Roll" while watching "Crossroad" (let's not dwell on how I know that). The same person probably wrote this copy:

Have you ever said (or sung) "I Love Rock 'n' Roll"? If so, you're gonna love this doll! An acclaimed guitarist and one of the greatest leading ladies of rock, Joan Jett is a legendary singer and songwriter. Featuring her look and rock 'n' roll spirit, the Joan Jett Barbie Doll is part of the Ladies of the '80s collection and a must-have for her many fans! Includes doll and guitar, and stands approximately 11 1/2-inches tall.

The warning labels make for far more interesting copy:

WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD-Small parts. Not for children under 3 years.
Ok, I can see that, little shoes and accessories.

WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD-Toy contains a small ball. Not for children under 3 years.
Wait. What? Where is there a small ball? PLEASE PLEASE let it come with a tiny ball gag! Now we're talking authenticity!

At least they didn't give Joan-doll Barbie's usual mythical proportions. Although something tells me the real Joan Jett would find THAT amusing.

However, it must be said...I think the Cyndi Lauper doll is pretty fantastic.

HER copy brings the giggles (and SCREAMS possibly drunk copywriter):
"Girls Just Want to Have Fun"… especially Cyndi Lauper! Cyndi is one of the foremost female singer/songwriters who left her mark on pop culture, and this Cyndi Lauper Barbie Doll really displays the popular singer's trend-setting fashion sense and spunk. She's part of the Barbie Ladies of the '80s collection. Have some fun of your own as you gaze admiringly at her "Time After Time"! Stands about 11 1/2-inches tall.

I want it for the hair alone. What can I say, I'm a mystery wrapper in an enigma coated with God knows what.

Both dolls can be found at http://www.entertainmentearth.com/ in the Barbie "Ladies of the 80's" collection. I DO have a birthday coming up. Just saying.

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