Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Sometimes The Packaging Needs It's Own Warning Label

Someone who knows me all too well got me this for Christmas:

I know, I know...who thought that was a good idea? But nevermind that, I'm leaving it in the packaging until I discover it's true destiny. Speaking of the packaging, can we discuss this? My first clue that something was amiss is right on the front. "For Ages 6 And Up." WHO IN GOD'S NAME WOULD PUT THIS IN THE HANDS OF A 6 YEAR OLD? People who hate that child's parents, that's who.

But that was just the beginning...then I turned it over.

Things start out straightforward enough: Hold upright. Do not shake. Press down firmly on cap. 
Good, clear directions.

Then it starts to get iffy.

Let your favorite team know you're rooting for them. Use while biking, jogging, camping.

A) Are those 2 stand alone statements or one strange statement? Maybe if you did less biking, jogging and camping on the sidelines of your favorite sport, less airhorn would be needed.

B) Why would you use this while camping? To scare bears away? To announce to your fellow campers "HEY! HEY! I veered off the trail to look at a bunny and got lost"? This is why I don't camp.

C) I don't know which is funnier, the idea of a a biker using this or a jogger using it to announce their presence to people in their way. Can't you just jog around them? I might take up jogging if it's airhorn sanctioned. (Stop laughing.)

Fits in purse, briefcase and glove compartment. Police Department recommended.
Attracts attention and is easy to use.

Generic Police Department recommended eh? I take this to mean I will not get in any sort of trouble should I choose to use it on annoying coworkers or fellow public transportation riders. Even if it's just to call them out on offenses. "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNK! PENALTY! ILLEGAL DOUBLE SEAT USAGE" "HOOOOOONNNNNK! PENALTY! OVERSIZED BACKPACK LEFT ON DURING RUSH HOUR AND ALL UP IN MY PERSONAL SPACE" "HOOOOOONNNNNK! GET YOUR OWN DAMN TONER CARTRIDGE"

So, thank you generous friend for my airhorn. Just imagine the fun once I open it.

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